A thicker skin (plus a new coat)

I had my painting class last night. God. I enjoy the physical act of it, but it is hard on my ego. Last week, we worked on color values, and to practice we had to paint a selection of black-spectrum buttons on black paper, and then a selection of white-spectrum buttons on white paper. I sucked at it. I have never been good at faithfully copying stuff anyway, and the colors were hard for me to replicate. I also misunderstood the homework and felt embarrassed, although as a teacher, this is information that can be put to use in the future. File under, "empathy when someone misunderstands her or his homework."

Last night, we did a variety of things, but I just felt like the teacher kept going to the other new students and saying, "Wow!" "Good!" "You've really got it!" etc., and just kind of looking at mine without comment. I keep meaning to grow a thicker skin, and then forgetting to do so. Instead I just keep buying new jackets, which is not the same at all.

Anyway, it reminds me of the time in junior high school when my teacher, Ms. G-W., gave everyone in the class an adorable nickname, usually consisting of some form of their real name with "-ski" tacked onto the end. For example, Brad became Bradski. Jennifer became Jenny-ski. These names were said lightly, with a shared fondness or secret implied. My name, however, stayed exactly the same. No -ski was added, and the voice returned to normal seriousness when it was said, placing me firmly outside her whimsical circle. In retrospect, this is a fantastic thing. I might have gone down an entirely different path if I had been wrapped into this little sorority training group. At the time, though, I took it as further proof that I didn't fit in and had deserved to be left by my one good friend for the cheerleaders. I know. I'm like the only person you have ever heard about having a hard time in junior high. All I can say is, good thing for the Cure and the Smiths, who were there through thick skin and thin (mostly thin). See how Robert Smith stuck by me even when I was alone in my room, all sullen, with a shower cap and panty hose on my head?
Take that, Ms. G-W! What a shitty teacher. I'm sure she thought she was a great one.

Anyway, I didn't really mean to go down that path, because my painting teacher is not shitty. She is good, and she is honest. I'm kind of lazy and ridiculously crave validation. I'm starting a skin-thickening program right now. Please hurl insults at me when we meet so that I can use it to better myself. Is that Am I Hot or Not? website still around? I am so posting a picture of myself in a bathing suit right now.

OK, maybe not. I am in one of my semi-annual Unsuccessfully Attempting to Date phases. That may be a good enough skin thickening exercise in itself.

I did get a new coat for fall. The welcome-back letter came from the superintendent. One must cope somehow.