Friday, December 01, 2006

it's a botched science project, charlie brown



Rats. That sums it up at the moment. And saying "Rats" makes me feel like Charlie Brown. When I was younger my sister would torment me by saying that my head was perfectly round, like Charlie Brown's. But that's a different story.

Rats, I say, because my science project mock-up doesn't work. See, I had a plan for tonight. The plan was to stay in with some strippers. Wire strippers, that is, plus christmas tree lights, a tin cookie sheet, etc. And for what?

The light up quiz board does not work.

I keep re-checking my work: Metal touching metal here, metal touching metal there... it's a closed circuit if ever i did see one (which i guess i barely ever have).

But it figures. I am simply not handy. There is probably something glaringly wrong that anybody else would notice. Even if I wanted to, I could never be one of those people who could say, "Yeah, it's a fixer-upper, but I am so excited to remodel it myself." Hell, no. I'd rather read and/or admire my Iittala wine glasses (below - pretend not to notice my horribly maintained fingernails). Home Depot freaks me out.

Ideally, in this science project, you touch a metal pointer to the correct quiz answer and the christmas lights illuminate in a possibly toxic blaze of glory (possibly toxic because christmas lights now are labeled as a lead-containing health hazard; it's actually due to the PVC coating, which is basically everywhere anyway. why do i buy all that organic stuff to eat, again?). It was going to be the coolest third grade project ever. By extension, I'd be the coolest third grade teacher ever, and that's what really matters in all this.

I was so excited. I touched the metal pointer to the correct answers.

Nothing.

Rats.

At least there's the Iittala glasses.

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