I have had my ears pierced since about age 13. You'd think I'd have the whole enterprise fairly well in hand by now.

Oh my god. I was going to write about this earring incident, but I took some illustrating photos and they are just too disturbing to show. Truncated earlobes are frightening. At least, mine are.

Instead, I'll tell you that I stopped at my parents' house to put some of my ornaments on their tree. All my old favorites made it on, including the wheat thin that kelly j. and i decorated with sequins and fake pearls as pre-martha high school crafters/sarcastic wheat thin eaters; the yellow piece of play-dough i made a skeleton print in and hung with a red ribbon; and the single section of egg carton that i splashed with sassy red and green paint when i was, oh, quite little, hung with its white pipe cleaner. as i admired these treasures anew, i felt that i hit my artistic zenith long ago. i don't do any cool projects like those anymore. what? YOU want a decorated wheat thin for christmas? hmmm... i might just be feelin' it...

going to chicago tomorrow. my earlobes are going with me. i just re-read the above and realized it kind of sounded like the earring incident resulted in my earlobes becoming detached. that didn't happen at all. now i really can't tell you the story because it would be so dull in comparison.

but i'm going to chicago, and we are going to have ladies' club friday night and i can't wait. then we're having co-ed cookie decorating on saturday night. and i'm going to just let this whole week of busy, busy school days, third grade musical practices, a Bad Tempeh Experience, unsettled contract/unsettled teachers, rumblings of millionaire bahamas-vacationing families thinking i'm spoiled because i have good health benefits, messy apartment, etc. slide away. i'm going to be just like the slider. mark bolan. t. rex. except that when he's sad, he slides, and i'm not gonna be sad, i'm gonna be the ebullient birthday girl.